HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Believe it or not, there was once a day when I was not well liked by everyone.  Haha, hard to imagine, I know.  During my junior year of high school, you know back when my xanga was poppin', I got a rude message on one of my posts.  Who knows what it said, but it was this long paragraph about what an awful person I am.  I vaguely remember stuff about me being a lesbian, but in particular, this fan of mine was attacking my white-washed complex.  Then I stumbled upon my hate page.

Yes, I had a certified hate xanga because I was not Asian enough.

At my high school of 3200+ people, 85% of the students were Caucasian.  There were Asian people, I just didn't hang out with them much.  Was it my fault that I did not fit in with the Asians that were present at my school?  Don't get me wrong, I had Asian friends, I like Asian people and have nothing against my own kind, I just didn't hang out with the "Asian group".  The group I'm referring to consisted of the only 20 Asians not in AP classes.  At lunch, they hung out right outside the girl's bathroom!  And if you've ever met me, you would know that I have major issues about food being anywhere near a restroom.

I hung out with a wonderful group of young ladies, race was negligible.  It didn't matter to me where their families were from over 100 years ago, they were a big part of my high school experience and I love each and everyone of them for it.

So instead of lunching by the restroom or going to Asian club meetings, I was off gossiping, or being involved with the school.  And for this, I was "hated".  This hate xanga featured a headline that I will always remember: Someone slap Jennifer and tell her she's not white.  I would like to make one thing clear, I never thought I was white!  I have indeed looked in the mirror and have seen my jet black hair, lightly tanned skinned, and dark, little eyes when I smile.  I was under no confusion on what I was, I was CHINESE!!  Just like a couple billion other people out there.

I ate rice for almost ever meal.  I spoke Chinese at home to my parents (on occasion) and always to my grandparents.  I grew up with the culture and values instilled in every Asian-American.  I took off my shoes when entering a house.  I drove a Honda.  I mean, I couldn't possibly get more Asian if I had tried.

At the time of the discovery of the blog, I found it laughable.  I was totally flattered that someone spent their time thinking about how much they hated me so much they actually took time out of their day and dedicated a whole website to me!  I mean, I'm still kind of flattered, it's kind of a big deal, but I am now more sad for this person and for people out there just like him/her (to this day, I have absolutely no idea who made that site).  How can people in our society feel that race has anything to do with how a person should be thought of and treated?  I am Chinese because I was born to Chinese parents.  I am not Chinese because I choose to be.  I do not think Chinese people are any better than any other race, but I do not think they are any less of people either.  Being Chinese is what I am, not who I am.

I am very proud of who I am and where I come from, but I feel that if I was raised in another family I would also find these same ideals I live by.  I am proud of being Chinese because it is a part of me, I just don't think I have to be in the Asian Club, or in this case, eat lunch by the girl's restroom to prove it.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! 

whether you are chinese, white, purple, or green :)